It was suppose to be a very happy moment. But my mum spoilt all the mood i had. I'm losing my grip.

Wat happen tonite. I don't know. Its my fault..I lost the concentration. I flunk it. I piss tutor off. Fed up. Complaint to mum. MuM is fuck up. She gets at me. The never ending scolding. I'm very very frustrated. Totally losing grip. Started toking about my academic. My life. Interfering my life..yes she should. She jus done it overboard. No way she scolds my buddies. No way. She did it. I lost my grip but i kept my mouth tight. She's been naggin. I listen on. The pain just gets deeper. She just hurt my pride. MY pride..is My everything. She breaks it. No more basketball only studies. No more going out only indoors. I can never survive. I wanna freedom. I wanna back my life. I wanna see her. Nothing can ever stop me. She's becoming part of me. I can never give up basketball. There's no way. That's my life and i live by it. I can't rely on that. I know..but the lost of basketball will be the lost of me. MY confidence, hard work almost everything everything..will jus gone in split seconds. I wanna study hard. But i reaching my limit. I can't go on..Give me a break. Pls..the brain is jus giving way. Nothing can stop it..You compare me to cousins. Yes they are capable. Think about the standarad we are having. Its far too much different. You should have done it b4 saying it. Because..wat u say..i think that u are tryin to say i'm stupid. Yeah, i am. I die for basketball...I neglect homework. I can't bring glory to the family. Yeah..i know it. Give me time. I prove u wrong. U give me stress..makes me give up hope. I hate comparing. I know i suck..i do suck. Don't condemn me. I can't take it the way you are saying. I'm been trying hard to be wat i used to be. A scholar. But wat happens is long ago. I don't know wat happen. But its past. Let it past. To get back myself. Take times. Sacrifice my passion. I can't! I jus can't! I'm sorry its my fault again. Yeah..I hope to get back my ownself. Support u in future. My resposibility. Are'nt u thinking too far..? Doctor my amibition. The pressure given, minimise my passion for it. Its hard..Its hard.. You are jus giving too much pressure. Lessen a bit. I know where i'm going. I know wat i'm doing. You say u understand. But you are jus disappointing..I don't know what i can do now. MY mind..spinning..spinning..Have i done the correct way..? Am i right? Am i wrong..? Dad..wish u were here to give me some support. We share the same ambition. Bless me. I wish to be wat u are. Lives..saved..by.....me....Yes..i Wanna be. I'm stressed up. You know that..? I don't know how to express but to came here. I have no guts to tell it to mantou. I don't know why. Useless..? I am but i will change it. Failure..? I don't think so. EVeryone fails b4. No one is perfect. I had trash it all done. I felt quite cool rite now. Todae..Is todae...pple often says let bygone goes bygones? But can this pain left me..maybe it will during basketball. Let's hope so..After all this..I wonder wazz life..? Is life suppose to be wonderful..? Enjoy wat u are rite now. Study is important..Health is most important. To me..they don't. Enjoy wat i am rite now. Be stress free. I wanna be. But this is the rule of life. We have to follow. No breakin the rules. No.. Its cool to trash it out here. Its long yeah. Pple can don't read it. Coz its my feeling..My feeling.. Tml is Christmas Eve.. Yeah..suppose to be happy. Wat happen todae..I don't wish to say. Hope that tml can be better. Get the mood and go outing. Let's hope so..